Nerd's To Do List

So, this is awkward. I just want you to know that, it isn’t you, it’s me. I’m moving this blog from Tumblr to Wordpress, mostly because Tumblr is for photographs and lovers, and I’m dead inside…also a writer. Please don’t cry. I know it’s hard. Listen, if it’ll make you feel any better, you can come see me at http://nerdstodolist.wordpress.com

But do us both a favor, and don’t come over any more. It’ll just make it weird.

So hi. It’s been a while. As it turns out, one doesn’t have too much time to knock things of their nerdy to do list when one is getting married. Yep, you read that right, married. I be getting hitched. It’s been in the works for some time, about a year, but the day of “I do’s” is coming up in 77 sunrises. Anyways, yes, it keeps one busy, so I’ve had little time to get my nerdy stuff done. So to not completely ignore this photo blog…journal…man diary…well, whatever the hell this is, I thought I’d post two collages of what I’ve been working on recently.

This is my Chaos Lord and two cultists from my newest Alpha Legion Chaos Space Marine army. I’m really taking my time with each model to make sure every one of them hits a high standard. It’s make the entire army take forever (currently only painted 10 cultists and this guy for a grand total of 24 hours of work). I don’t mind, though, cause this time it’s less about getting it on the table and more about putting something together I’m really proud of. Every model is done to a painstaking detail, which hurts like eight bitches on a bitch boat, and none of them are too happy about it. Anywho.

A look at some of the cultists I’ve put together. Again, lost of detail per guy. My favorite so far is the dude in full read, who I’ve named “Scott”. You see, no one really likes Scott. He’s a loudmouth, thinks he’s always right, and drones on endlessly about how he’s so killer at fantasy hockey. No one likes Scott, but he pays for drinks after each fight, so they put up with him. But they do like to toy with him. The night before the battle, they all decided to don the colors of the Alpha Legion, but didn’t say anything to Scott. Imagine how much of a goof he looked like when he showed up for the scrap, only to be dressed completely wrong. Serves him right.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. I’m off to go take more pain meds for my jaw (just had a couple of wisdom teeth yanked out, one of which was so embedded in the jaw that the dentist had to, quote, “Really hack into there to get it all out.”) They make me loopy, but hell, even with taking them my jaw feels a little something like this…

To Do: Link Models Cause I’m In Too Much Pain to Do Much Else

Extra To Do: Bitch some more about my mouth hurting

So I entered my local Games Workshop Call to Arms event. It’s a painting / converting competition where you enter a single model, unit, and/or large model that will be judged by shop goers who vote for their favorite. Well, I entered, and I won! Best Unit! Huzzah! Proooooooof!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=437842036259009&set=a.224066830969865.57458.192491134127435&type=1&theater

To Do: Brag for a Brief Moment.

P.S. I also won the first game of my story campaign against Zach Bosteel. More info to come =)

So, about six months ago, a work buddy of mine named Zach Bosteel and I began going with the idea of doing a story campaign. We’re both 40k nuts, and both obsessed with stories. In fact, we’re just obsessed…but not in a creepy way…

But effing A if it hasn’t taken months, MONTHS, for us to even play a game. When we started incubuting our lovely idea egg in the warm bosom of our mind boobs, we thought we’d start with 500pts of mans (models, bad ass dude toys), and increase our games by 250pts. Bear in mind that, when we began this, I had maybe 90ts done. Hours of painting, and now I have 1,500pts. Yet no game. Don’t call me a dork!

*cough* So ok, it’s now a few months later *grumble grumble grumble*, but I think this weekend we will finally play our first game. Oh don’t worry, I’ll take plenty of pictures.

Our second idea, again, mind boobs, was to chronicle the event as a sort of story, where we’d both write intros to our armies, and the winner of each game would get to write the next piece in their favor. Heeeey, would you like to read my short intro story?

First off, eff you. Second, you’re reading anyways, might as well kill a little more time.

Without further adieu, I give you, “The Amiri’ka War: the Templar’s Call”

Nothing. That was what the sensor auguries could detect. What could be seen outside each and every port hole. The communications the fortress monastery had received in three decades. The number of battles they had fought in since being stationed. Nothing was exactly what Initiate Efrect had become quite accustomed to since his deployment to the Black Castle.

The space-faring bastion of the Black Templars, claimed as a spoil of war against the foul legions of the Dark Gods, was once a vital base of operations many years ago. It lay hidden among dozens of moons orbiting a gas giant in the Amiri’ka system. Normally such a site would have been passed over by the forces of the Imperium, and had been many times before. Mineral deposits found on the numerous moons proved to be a warp-nullifying metal, able to suppress psychic abilities. It had also proved to have the same effect on sensor systems. Unless viewed by the naked eye, it was invisible.

It was how the heretics had managed to stay hidden for so long after their kind fled from Tera. For thousands of years, they launched covert operations from their keep, pillaging as they pleased and disappearing without any trace. Long had they taken slaves for their dark purposes without any semblance of resistance from the Emperor’s righteous forces.

By pure chance their  crusade, that to cleanse the Monastery world of Golthnic and  bring the traitor Imorden to ruin, happen to come upon one of their foul slave ships traveling through the system before it vanished without reason. Unrelenting in their quest to slay the enemies of man, they explored the system for weeks until finally discovering the dark hold. Though the war drug on for months, every last heretic was eventually slain and the fortress captured.

Obviously such a station’s value was beyond measure. With a base hidden from the view of their enemies, the Templars of the Golthnic Crusade were able to replenish their men and arms, draft battle plans, and train new recruits without so much as a hint of danger, save for the passing barrage of meteors. But as the crusade left the nearby systems in pursuit of its target, its ships ceased docking, fewer and fewer men passed through, and before long, the fortress fell silent, save for the sparse guard squads assigned to maintain it through the ages.

Here, where neither the chance of glory nor a meeting a worthy foe lived, is where Efrect had been for nearly 30 years. Occasionally him and a few of his brothers would venture onto the surrounding moons to sharpen their skills and hunt game, but such journeys never quenched his thirst to smite the Emperor’s foes. While he considered his duty to protect the ship sacred, in a way, he also saw it as banishment.

Suddenly, alarm engines lost dormant began to scream. Their machine spirits were frantic, disturbed by intruders somewhere in the station. For a moment Efrect stood there, stunned at hearing the chimes of danger he never thought would ring. A moment later he was sprinting to the security deck where his brothers would undoubtedly meet him. Surely there was an unexciting reason for this.

“What in the Throne is going on, Trion,” yelled Efrect, raising his voice to be heard over the screaming spirits. “Is the system disturbed by another meteor impact?”

“No sir. We have a breach in the lower ship decks. Internal sensors are registering a number of life forms. From their numbers, it appears to be a scouting party.”

“Do we have eyes in those decks?”

“Yes sir, I’m invoking the machines spirits now to give us a view. There we are.”

Efrect was unable to believe his augmented eyes. A group of Tau, Firewarriors, filthy xenos, were cautiously making their way through the tunnels. Their posture signaled that they expected no immediate danger. If they were carrying only minimal sensory augurs, they would have been unable to see the few Angels of Death that inhabited this place. To them, they were exploring a relic from a long gone race.

“What are the Tau doing in this system,” breathed Trion, almost unable to believe what his own eyes were seeing. “The last astropaths who came through felt the presence of no living thing anywhere near this system.”

“I doubt they would have been unable to get much of any visions through their divinations,” responded Efrect. The metal deposits. They block everything. It also doesn’t help that the entire Tau race has no warp signature. “The astropaths were obviously wrong. Either that, or these Tau are have come far to intrude into the Emperor’s realm.

Efrect realized it was possible that the Tau had begun colonizing the moons on the other side of the gas Giant. It took many Teran days to make a full circle around the planet, and their patrols kept only to the immediate vicinity around the bastion. They could have easily began building on the opposite moons.

He immediately cursed himself for allowing such a blasphemy on his watch. He assigned himself three days of fasting and cage training for his lapse in duty. A quick look at his brothers told him they were doing the same. Their hatred for mankind’s enemies, especially the alien, burned brighter than the almost sun they orbited.

“This transgression will not go unpunished. Brothers, ready your weapons and awaken brother Lortharion from his slumber. We shall cleanse this station of this filth.”

“What if there are more, brother?”

“Then we shall show them the Emperor’s justice. Trion, send a carrier drone beyond the metal’s reach and hail Marshal Onshava. The fleet will know of this.”

Without another word being spoken, each Templar raced to meet their unexpected guests. And while each one bore the face of a stern servant, inside, they yearned for true battle once more.

Ok, that’s all I got for you this time. Check back later for pics, extra stories, and, should I feel saucy that night, a short of me doing salsa. Let your imagination soar with that one.

To Do: Begin an Epic Story Warhammer 40K Campaign

Did you know that, every week (or so), I go to my local Games Workshop location and play games? It’s totes fun! It’s hours of talking with friends, rolling dice, painting models, and hanging out doing bro stuff. There’s also naked ladies.

Ok, I liked about the naked girls. There are no girls. None. Games shops seem to keep girls away like citrus candles keep mosquitos at bay. Anyways, my last trip to the shop inspired me to make a blog post about my adventures.

****WARNING: these pictures aren’t funny. Like, at all.****

First, let’s take a look at the shop itself.

Pretty fancy, right? I want one of everything. Please. Thank you. Move along.

The first order of business was to play my rival, Eric. Eric is a bad ass Tyranid player who always wipes the floor with me. Well today was the first game with my love labor, my Black Templars!

(1,250 points of my building army in the Games Workshop - Oak Park display case)

Seriously, I’ve spent probably too much time on these guys. Each infantry model takes two hours to just paint. Best I can figure is I have well over 90 hours of painting alone. That’s almost four straight days! I could have cured the common cold in that time! Or learned a new trade.

Crap, got side tracked. We’ll come back to the individual models.

Ok, so Eric and I started playing a game. Poor Eric had a very small window to get a game in. It was his daughter’s birthday, and he had pah-lenty to do. Little girls deserve big birthdays.

Lemme see here, I have to have a picture here somewhere…

…that’s my fake I.D…

That, I promised my fiancee, I wouldn’t show anyone. My eyes only *wink*

This picture somehow found its way into this trove of knowledge, and dare I say it has raised the bar of elegance to a level not many of its kind have reached. Now pardon me while I go find some food. It is way past my designed time to eat.

Aha! Here we go. Now, to give you something of an idea. This is the middle of turn two. The middle of the board there was filled with models. At this point, Eric had killed about eight tactical marines, four sword bretheren, four jump pack troopers, and one scout. What had I managed to slay?

Well, I didn’t take a picture of that. I did take one of the first turn of enemies I slew, though.

The enemies of the Emperor could not stand in the face of my might! That, and Eric had to leave. Things might have gone differently had he not, but I’m claiming a victory for the Imperium.

So, after slaying my enemies, making small talk with others, and going to Five Guys for a burger. Effing A I love Five Guys burgers. They’re heaven in grilled patty form with delicious mushrooms and green peppers. Nom.

So I came back, and took a stroll around the shop. I found one of my favorite kids hard at work painting a model.

He’s a diligent kid. In this picture, he’s painting a model from the Lord of the Rings range. One day, he’s going to teach me to play…one day…

Ok, I don’t have much else to say. I stayed another 20 minutes, went home, then played Space Marine on my Xbox 360. So on to pictures of my models!!

First up, my Land Raider Crusader.

(One of my favorites, It took me 12-hours to finish, and is totally my baby)

Next is my Rhino.

(After looking at thsi picture, I see that I missed some highlights…DAMN!)

Oh look, my jump pack troops.
(This is my action squad! Did my best to give them a taking off and landing look)

I don’t really like the Games Workshop sword bretheren, so I made my own =)

(My personal favorites. I love their tabards, and the lead model is a beast)

Tactial marines own your face!

(Took a lot of different approaches with these guys, with varying success)

Crusaders. Ya, that about sums them up.

(Even through the blury image, the white helmet guy is ready to kick your ass)

And finally, my Emperor’s Champion and Marshal.

(The guy on the right is my baby. Built him out of ordered bits. Love. Him)

Well, that’s all I’ve got for you this time. There’s nothing else to see. Go do something else. See you next tiiiiiime.

To Do: Go to the Game Shop
P.S. To Do: Boast About My Models.

So just this morning, I thought to myself, “You know what we haven’t done lately? Write a blog post!” Now, before you go thinking that’s a typo, yes, I do refer to myself as “we” when I talk to myself. Not sure why, we just do.

You may be thinking to yourself, “Why is writing a blog post a nerdy to do list? And why does he keep writing in quotation marks?” Well, to answer your supposed questions, 1) because I’m doing it on random nerd stuff, and 2) because quotation marks are fairly awesome. I don’t have any sort of logic to back that up.

What the eff? It’s been two months since a post? How in God’s name is that possible? I swear I did one just the oth…



…and that’s the third time I shut it in a window. Huh? Oh ya, blogging. I must blog. Writing blog posts is hard when thi…

…so then they made me their king. Dammit! Ok, hardcore focusing here.

Uhm…well…I’m not really doing anything nerdy right now. Let’s see what’s going on around the house.

That’s too far. Let’s see what’s going on on my computer.

Oh, let’s take a look at some of my video game characters! First up, Jehdah from World of Warcraft.

Jehdah is a Sagitarius from Stormwind who loves wielding The Light and smashing his enemies with a giant hammer. Evil beware! He has little patience for naughty doings, and a constant need for money to buy gasoline for the fireball on his hammer. As a note, I always make my main character in video games a human. Not really sure why we do it, we just like it. Also, I never make female characters. I ain’t no lady woman with feminine parts, nor shall I ever pretend I’m one…unless it’s on the phone for $3.95 per minute. Then my name is Cristal.

Next we have Onshava (the name I use for pretty much everything) from Diablo 3.

A fiery redhead who lives in a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by a boiling lake of lava! But don’t let that cool you off. She’s a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing: Princess Fiona! *cough*

Anyways, remember my last post when Diablo 3 wasn’t working? Well that’s not the case anymore. It’s working…almost too well. I play often. Often enough to buy shiny armor and glowing weapons, but not enough to make it to where I can actually finish the game. Oh how I hate you, internet

That’s what my desktop looks like. I measure every process my computer makes, and I monitor the weather. No, you didn’t ask, but I told you anyways. What did you do today? Bet it wasn’t watching the weather like a boiling pot. I win.

Ok, I think I have the energy to get up out of my chair. Let’s see what we can find around the house.

Did you know I have a World of Warcraft cup collection?

People often wonder how I bagged such a beautiful, amazing fiancee. Answer: World of Warcraft memorabilia. Chicks dig this crap.

This is my bookshelf of books I’ve read in the past year. Well, one of two.

Why yes, that is a ton of Warhammer 40k novels. I love them. Great stories. And yes, that’s also Tim Tebow’s biography. Guild Wars 2 is sitting down there. And I think that’s an uncolored page from a Mickey Mouse coloring book. He helps me feel safe.

This is my second shelf. Did you know George W. Bush not only saved Earth from a giant meteorite, but he harvested the minerals from its remains to build Arkansas? True facts. It’s in his book.

I like to talk dirty to my lady sometimes.

I say that while holding my World of Warcraft cups, and she’s putty in my hands. /swoon for sure.

Blog post? Nailed it. So I’m good at this writing stuff. If you don’t feel as warm and fuzzy as I do right now, go back and read it again. There’s life lessons in there. Like World of Warcraft cups.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, we have to go party with this guy.

To Do: Write a Blog Post

In my sophmore year of high school, I started playing a game called Diablo 2. It literally kicked off my seemingly endless obsession with online gaming. The thrill of connecting with friends that were miles down the road, and making new friends that lived countries away, all while slaying vicious monsters in the name of good and justice. So of course I was beyond excited when Blizzard announced Diablo 3. Looked something like this…

I’ve followed the progress of the game for the past few years (since 2008). I preordered my title the moment it came up. And finally, today, May 15, 2012, Blizzard released the game I had looked forward to for so long. Sheer contentment settled into my heart.

Quickly I rushed home to my awaiting computer…and my awaiting dogs who desperately needed a walk. Silly currs, why didn’t they understand my intense need to play video games? Learn to use the toilet! Bastards!

Ok, pees and poos done. I can finally start my game.

Oh my God, it’s loading. It’s loading!

I can log in!

Beware demonspawn, for I, Onshava, have come to slay you and your fil-

Ok, that’s cool. I’ll just relog in. There, *ahem*, now foul demonspa-

What in the fuck? Ok, calm down. It’s ok. I can go grab a soda…and there. So, as I was sayi-

Mother fucker! Don’t you understand? Did you not see the smiling baby picture?! I need this like a crack head needs and excuse to fall off the wagon. It’s a neeeeed. Wait, my mother always told me patience is a virtue. I’ll just politely wait until the error resolves itself. How long can it take.

(Don’t ask me why I’m wearing a dress…or a purse…I need to feel fancy right now)

To Do: Slay Demons on Dia-WHY THE #@$% AREN’T YOU WORKING YOU PIECE OF !*&^$ GAAAAAAAH